Painting Landscapes
by suppressed-ambitions
Summary: Zuko wants to redeem his sister; Ty Lee wants no part of it. Takes place directly after The Search. Eventual TyZula.
1. Prologue

Some see the world in grayscale–but they can still see. Their perception is limited, but whole.

Everyone else's world is defined, in stark clarity. The present holds significance to them. The future holds something more.

She wants to envy them.

Ozai sees the world in black and white. There is no middle ground–no tentative grays and certainly no color. There's only dominance and those predestined to subordination.

A long time ago, Azula would've agreed with him.

Her perspective of the world is blurred; she sees their lips move, but their voices are absent. Everything is hazy, surreal, as though she's submerged underwater and that around her is distant, above the surface, where all is distinct and precise. Where the colors don't run and mix in a gaudy disarray, where there are neat lines segregating every stage.

The present is the daze between daylight and insomnia. The future is intangible. The past is slipping, despite her fervent efforts, and it presents itself only at the glimpse of dawn–where it binds to her, and sleep is unsolicited.

She should envy them.

But envy is something beyond her.

It's something much too vivid, much too dynamic; something much too zealous, far exceeding her capacity.

No, she doesn't envy them.


	2. Chapter 1

Zuko decides that it's not an unwarranted question.

Unlike her many nonsensical, seemingly incessant inquiries.

"Where's Azula?"

He gazes at her solemnly.

The Kyoshi maquillage does little to mask the very discernible fear. It's obvious in scarlet lines of distress, in the subtlest twitches around pressed lips.

A twinge of regret–perhaps he should have consoled Ty Lee more efficiently before departing. The lasting effects of his younger sister's cruelty had left the deepest imprints on the former acrobat.

But this isn't a conversation Zuko wants to have right now.

The discussion with his mother had stretched into the hours before daybreak, and the journey back had been sleepless. Still, physical exhaustion isn't the incentive for Zuko's reluctance. He had been faced with the most taxing days of his life after ascending to the throne.

No, it's his old adversary, which he still struggles to keep at bay.

"I'm tired, Ty. Maybe later."

Perhaps if he concentrated, the wall-lanterns wouldn't erupt violently.

"I'm sure everything's fine," Suki interjects quietly. "Zuko needs his rest. We can talk about this later."

Zuko wishes fervently that every one of his acquaintances was as agreeable as Suki.

Ty Lee offered no such comfort.

"Zuko, _where is she?"_

The shadows on the wall begin to stray from their fixed positions. Suki flinches as the flames begin to flare, and edges uncertainly towards Ty Lee.

The chi-blocker takes no notice.

"Ty, _please_. I've had a very, very long day, and tomorrow's going to be even longer. Can't this wait?"

Thickly painted eyebrows knit together.

"No." _For the love of Agni–, _"If it wasn't a big deal, you wouldn't be avoiding it. There's something you're not telling us."

Zuko rubs his forehead in exasperation.

Ty Lee is something like a little sibling to him. As such, watching her mature over the course of the past three years made his heart swell. The roundness of her face had dissolved, drawing attention to gracefully defined features, and her once childlike voice had dropped to a feminine pitch Zuko is still unfamiliar with.

But with maturity came awareness.

And Ty Lee's newfound insight presented itself at the worst possible occasions.

"I've told you everything," Zuko lies half-heartedly.

Bistre eyes harden.

For a moment, Ty Lee almost looks like–

"Fine," she hisses in an uncharacteristically vicious tone. She shrugs Suki's beseeching hand off and stalks down the corridor.

_What's gotten into her?_

Zuko tries to ignore the growing parallels between his assumed sibling and his actual sibling. The root is obvious, as the root of all problems tied to his sister were.

"Ty, wait."

The vague ache at the back of his head gives a nasty throb. His sore joints protest.

The flames subside to a weak flicker.

Zuko exhales deeply and opens the door to his study with some difficulty. At his bodyguards' perplexity, he gestures for Ty Lee to enter.

"Come on."

Maybe Azula was right.

Maybe Zuko's empathy would get him killed.

* * *

She follows Lee's slim frame through the marketplace in silence.

In fact, in all the time that she's spent at the village, she's hardly exchanged more than a few words with him, or Gansu, or Sela, or anyone for that matter.

She can't think of what to say.

She waits by the wheelbarrow, watching with suppressed awe as Lee converses with villagers effortlessly.

That merchant is his father's friend–nice fellow, always promises good price–that old lady is a no-good, money-stealing gypsy–she scammed Lee once when he was little–that adolescent is one of his childhood friends–they used to throw eggs at the soldiers who had once occupied the village.

_How are you? How are the kids doing? How's the market? Catch anything big lately? When did you say you were heading off to Ba Sing Se? _

Where did they get all of this information from? When did they meet? How did they know what to say or how to act? Did someone teach them? Would someone teach her? When?

She wishes that she too, had childhood tales to share and old memories to reminisce. But she doesn't even know when her birthday is, or what her name is supposed to be.

She's just grateful that employment at the Lee Family Pig Farm comes with room and board no strings attached.

Lee comes to a stop a little too abruptly and she barely refrains from ramming the front of the wheelbarrow into his tailbone.

"Is everything all right?"

The ends of his eyebrows pinch together.

"I guess so," Lee replies after a beat.

She follows his gaze to a pamphlet embellished with the Royal Fire Nation seal and understands. The Fire Nation is a sore spot for Lee and his family. Sensu had never returned from the war.

The Earth Kingdom as a whole harbored deep-seated animosity for the Fire Nation, despite all the efforts of the new enlightened monarch. In spite of the seemingly endless reparations–the reconstruction, the favorable trade, the agricultural shipments–villagers still eyed passing Fire Nation travelers disdainfully.

She doesn't remember the war, so she can't say. She supposes the Fire Nation must be evil, if everyone thinks so.

That night, she dreams of lightning and cerulean flames.

* * *

**A/N: More development (and length) in the coming chapters, I promise.**


	3. Chapter 2

_"Shouldn't we look for her?"_

_"We should. And we will. But not now."_

_When_ and_ How_ had been restrained only by painfully cultivated discipline. And Ty Lee had been forced to extend that discipline for the better part of six months.

Whatever divine intervention Zuko had been anticipating appeared to finally have made its mark, for, after consulting with his mother and uncle, the Fire Lord had issued the manhunt for his sister.

Ty Lee frowns.

She's somewhat skeptical of Ursa–of this woman who had reappeared half a decade later with a suspiciously clean backstory. Of course, there are things Zuko isn't telling her, and it's not in her place to know. Still, she had only seen the woman once since Zuko had escorted her and her new family to the capital. Fleetingly, too–nothing more than a smile and a _Ty Lee! Heavens__–__it's been so long!_

_God, I'm starting to sound like Azula. Why do I even care?_

Ty Lee shoves her baseless qualms beneath the waves, where they get tangled in seaweed and vegetate. Bob, quiver, untangle–other deferred concerns rise to the surface.

Azula's elite search party consists of Toph, Suki, Katara, and Aang (Zuko had deemed Sokka incapable of the task, to the warrior's mixed dismay and relief). Toph and Suki would divide and conquer the Earth Kingdom; Katara would search the Water Tribes; Aang would rifle through everything else.

It's a bit much, in Ty Lee's opinion, considering they're pursuing a (likely) subdued and amnesic seventeen-year-old girl who probably hasn't cleared the Earth Kingdom, let alone the Fire Nation.

Especially if she has a new face.

Nevertheless, the fact that Azula has escaped is strictly confidential intelligence. The other nations would leap at the opportunity; the public would be petrified; Zuko's authority would be undermined.

Zuko had swapped the doctors at the asylum, so that the ones who had been treating Azula were under the impression that the new doctors were tending to her, and vice versa. It's a clever little deception that Zuko repeats every few months, but even guileless Ty Lee sees the flaw: it won't last.

And that only makes the search that much more urgent.

Ty Lee sighs.

She had been the first one Zuko had approached.

She had been the first one to reject.

* * *

Somehow, this had made more sense in Zuko's head.

They would be gathered around map in the throne room like generals–poised regally with dignity.

Not like a bunch of teenagers playing dress-up.

Chairs are scattered about the long-table, any remote resemblance of court configuration nonexistent.

Zuko rubs his forehead in exasperation.

Toph's chair is crooked, facing the empty dais; Sokka and Suki are sitting too close together and too far apart from everyone else; Ty Lee is sitting _on_ the long-table; Katara's chair is too close to Aang's. Only the Avatar had attempted to imitate the strict organization of a diplomatic seating arrangement–poorly, however, as he's sitting at Zuko's left, leaving his right vacant.

"So what's this about, Hot-Head?"

Zuko inwardly groans.

_So much for courtly etiquette._

"_Toph!_ You can't just call him that anymore..." That would be Suki.

"My sister," Zuko eventually answers from behind his hands.

Katara exchanges a glance with Aang.

"We're doing everything we can, Zuko..."

The Fire Lord raises his head with a sigh.

"I know. And I'm grateful. But this meeting is to discuss the next step." He pauses to gaze at each of them significantly (the effect of this falls flat on Toph). "What are we going to do when we find Azula?"

Silence.

Toph continues gazing blankly at the dais; Sokka blanches; Suki bites her lip; Katara and Aang exchange glances again. But the reaction Zuko had been anticipating the most turns out to be insufficient: Ty Lee examines her nails.

"Well...that depends on whether or not she has her memory, right?" Aang pipes up.

"And her face," Sokka adds.

Zuko nods. "Exactly." He fiddles with his crown absently. "Azula and I discussed having her stay in the palace under constant supervision, before we went to Hira'a."

Suki arches an eyebrow. "And how'd that go?"

"She electrocuted me."

The statement is met with blank stares.

"And we're still discussing this?" Sokka demands incredulously.

"Look, I realize that's not an option if she's still herself," Zuko snaps before composing himself. He lowers his gaze. "But what if she asked for 'a new mind,' like my mother did? What if she doesn't remember anything?"

More silence. The atmosphere is thick with the implications behind his statement.

Toph raises her eyebrows.

"Are you saying we should try and rehabilitate Her Royal Nutcase?"

Zuko winces before pressing on tentatively, "I don't see why not. I mean, I changed. Azula and I share the same blood. Who's to say she's not capable, too?"

"But Azula isn't you, Zuko," Katara points out.

The Fire Lord searches the waterbender's eyes.

"Katara, you were _there _when she lost her mind," he reminds her softly. "Don't you think she deserves a chance to redeem herself?"

Katara looks away. "I-I don't know. We don't know if she's changed for sure, or if there's any risk of her regaining her memory. What if we just end up back at square one?"

A murmur passes through the throng.

Zuko turns to his left. "Aang, what do you think about this?"

Aang, who had been glancing between faces uncertainly, gulps.

"Uh…" the airbender falters under the group's scrutiny. He grins nervously, "Well…I'm a firm believer of second chances. The monks always taught me that human nature is inherently good, and that humans can be taught to be better. From what I've seen, Azula has already started to change. So why not give her a push?"

Zuko mentally sighs in relief. "Then, when–I mean, _if_ we find her, are you okay with the idea of her staying in the palace with me? I could...I mean, _we_ could all help her."

Aang beams. "Of course."

The Fire Lord steals a glance at the chi-blocker absentmindedly tracing patterns on the map. Still no reaction.

"Hold on. So we're just going to let the world's most dangerous, mentally unstable fugitive–who has it out for you–stay with you in the palace?" Sokka's voice is heavy with skepticism, and he glances around the circle of faces almost challengingly.

Zuko presses the tips of his fingers together–a habit he had developed during diplomatic exchanges. "Then what do you suggest?"

"I'm saying that if Azula is out there somewhere, and she doesn't remember anything, shouldn't we just...leave her alone?" Sokka suggests timidly. "Isn't that safest for everyone?"

Another murmur.

"But if she doesn't remember anything, then she's not a threat," Aang points out. "She probably won't even remember that she's a firebender."

Katara frowns. "But we don't know if she was good to begin with."

"We don't know if she was _bad_, either," Zuko argues.

Toph slams her fist on the table to draw everyone's attention. "I kind of agree with Ponytail."

_"It's a warrior's wolf tail__–__"_

"–I don't know Azula as well as you guys do, but if there's someone out there who can take on me and Aang single-handedly and come out alive, I think it's better if she's out of the picture," Toph carries on, as though Sokka hadn't spoken.

Zuko's eyebrows knit together.

"Can you guys try and see this from my point of view? My father's in prison, my cousin was killed when I was eleven, and it has taken me until now to find my mother." There's a note of desperation in his voice as he continues, "I've really only ever had Uncle, and now I have a chance to get my sister back_–_"

"_Back?_"

The room falls deathly silent.

It's the first time that Ty Lee has spoken.

"Zuko, I don't know if you remember things clearly, but Azula was never exactly a fluffy unicorn, even when we were kids."

Of course when Zuko needs her to be bubbly, giggling, Azula-worshipping Ty Lee, he gets the antagonistic, war-hardened Kyoshi Warrior.

"You don't know her like I do!" he protests.

Ty Lee's eyes gleam dangerously as she leaps off the long-table.

"_I _don't know her? I've spent almost my whole life with her! Where were you, Zuko? After we turned six, you stopped playing with her, and you haven't since. _You_ don't know her like I do."

Everyone flinches as the contortionist's voice resonates throughout the throne room.

Zuko studies Ty Lee.

There's unprecedented hostility in her eyes, and it's radiating off of her in waves. The maquillage makes her appear even crosser. He can't recall a time where she's spoken so shrewdly–save for a vague memory on Ember Island.

"Ty, I don't understand," Zuko begins quietly–cautiously. "Weren't you the one demanding to know where she was and what had happened after we got back from Hira'a?"

"Only because I was worried about everyone's safety!" Ty Lee shoots back without missing a beat. "If I had known that she wasn't a problem, I wouldn't have bothered. And you shouldn't either," she adds pointedly. "The only reason you should be involved in this is because you're returning a lunatic to her cage. Like Toph said, if she's out of the picture, we may as well keep her that way."

Zuko's stomach sinks as Ty Lee turns away.

He had always assumed that the war had taken the worst toll on civilians and soldiers. Ty Lee doesn't fall into either of those categories–and yet, she had emerged as one of the greatest victims.

Zuko peeks at the others. Everybody looks as shaken as he feels.

Sokka and Suki are speaking in hushed tones, although Zuko can easily perceive the conversation.

"What's with her? I thought they were like best friends or something…"

Suki shakes her head woefully. "You don't know what Azula did to her in prison."

At that, Zuko flinches and inclines his head.

Katara breaks the silence.

"I think Ty Lee has a point. You're the Fire Lord now, Zuko. You can't just let your personal feelings get in the way of this."

Zuko gazes at her somberly. "Is that your final vote?"

The waterbender hesitates for a moment before nodding. "I'm with Toph and Sokka. There's no guarantee that Azula's memory is gone, or that it'll stay that way." She smiles apologetically at Zuko, then at Aang.

Bitterness wells up in Zuko's throat. He nods his acknowledgement, mostly because he's afraid of what will come out if he opens his mouth.

"Suki? How do you feel about this?" he asks after clearing his throat.

Suki frowns at the map, her eyes raking over the carefully divided regions. Zuko can't read her expression, and this unnerves him. Sokka is her boyfriend, which is an easy excuse for her to side against Azula. Not to mention, Suki has every right to detest her, especially considering what the former princess had put her through…

Finally, Suki bows her head. "I'll go with whatever you think is right."

Zuko barely has time to recover from the shock when Sokka cries, "Why are you siding with _him_?"

Suki chuckles at the betrayed look on her boyfriend's face and places her hand over his.

"You know it's not like that." Then, sobering, she adds, "It's his sister and his nation, Sokka. I trust him."

Zuko flashes a rare smile at his bodyguard. "Thank you, Suki."

He turns back to his other bodyguard, who hadn't spoken since her outburst. She had strayed to the edge of the room, and Zuko has his suspicions as to why she's hiding her face. "Ty Lee?" he calls tentatively.

"Mhm?"

For the sake of saving face, Zuko doesn't point out what everyone else already knows. "Do you still think we should keep my sister 'out of the picture'?"

There's a long silence.

Finally–

"I just want to stay out of this."

"Then I'll respect that," Zuko concedes.

He turns back to the rest of the group with a sheepish expression. "I'm sorry I called all of you out here. I know that you all have your own commitments, and that my sister isn't one of them. But I want you all to know that the only reason I'm getting involved is because I feel that this is my responsibility." His throat goes thick, and he looks away for a moment. "Do you guys remember what the professor at Yu Dao said? About a ruler only being able to rule with dignity if he treats his own family with dignity? Well...I feel like…what happened to Azula is partially my fault, and that it's my responsibility to help her." _And I promised Mother. _

Nobody speaks.

Suki and Aang smile empathetically; Sokka and Katara look uncomfortable; Toph looks bored.

"But Katara, Ty Lee, Sokka, and Toph–you all have a point. My duty to protect my people from any threat comes before my duty as an older brother," Zuko continues. "So I'll do whatever the majority decides."

He pauses to do a head count before grimacing.

Sokka comes to this conclusion at the same time.

"It's an even split."

Now it's Zuko's turn to look uncomfortable.

As Fire Lord, he had been the target of an entire court's scrutiny. He had looked war criminals, generals, peasants, courtiers, scholars, and sovereigns in the eye unflinchingly. And under the gazes of adolescents, he's reduced to a trembling rabbit.

"Ty," Zuko begins apprehensively, "I know I said I'd respect your decision–"

The Kyoshi Warrior sighs resignedly. "What do you want from me, Zuko?"

The Fire Lord winces.

"I just need to know where you stand on this. Where you _really _stand on this," he adds meaningfully.

Ty Lee turns to face the group, and as suspected, her eyes are red.

"Where do _you_ think I should stand?"

Zuko glances down at his hands, which are numb from the rigidity.

The throne room is painfully bare, the vastness of it–and his obligations–suddenly daunting. Zuko has sat alone in this room, deliberating for hours on end–yet in the presence of his friends, the pressure is imposing, and the implications weigh heavily on his mind.

"Well…you guys _were_ best friends, so…I think you should…support her?" he answers lamely.

Ty Lee arches an eyebrow.

"Is that an order?"

Zuko's eyes widen.

"No. Never."

Ty Lee gazes at him so intently that Zuko feels the need to look away. He holds her gaze (not without difficulty), however, for the sake of courtesy.

Finally, she turns away again.

In a small voice, "I'll go with whatever you decide."

Some part of Zuko regrets having to (unintentionally) manipulate her. Some part of Zuko wants to put this all behind him–wants to abandon the situation and the throne and hide in his quarters, where he can be nineteen and carefree. But all he can think of is the imploration in Ursa's eyes, and the sentiments fade quickly.

Before he can thank Ty Lee, she continues, "But I will not help look for her, and I will _not _try to help her. I want no part of this."

Zuko wonders when it was, exactly, that Ty Lee had changed, and if that was his fault, too.

* * *

_"Mai, you're overstepping your boundaries. Get out of my hair before I decide whether or not I want to punish you for it."_

_"This is the only chance Zuko might have. Azula, _please_…"_

_"...What was that? All of Ty Lee's pointless chatter seems to have worn out my ears. You'll have to speak more clearly."_

_"...Please."_

_"I believe all of this exposure to the peasantry has greatly diminished your sense of courtly etiquette, Mai."_

_"..."_

_"Well? I do have plans__–__I'm a busy girl, you know."_

_"...Please...Your Royal Highness...consider...this favor for...your humble...servant."_

_"Oh, all right. Since you've been a darling and humored me, if it really comes down to it__–__and by that, I mean if it's an option that poses no threat to my position__–__I'll see if I can rescue Zuzu from his despair and earn him father's favor."_

_"...Thank you, Azula."_

_"Of course, dear. It's nothing I wouldn't do for my 'humble servant.' Now run along and play with Ty Lee while I try to integrate my dunce of a brother into my plans..."_

* * *

She awakes with a start.

There had been no substantial images, again–only passing blurs that are rapidly slipping as she tries to recollect them...

There had been voices, though.

One is gratingly familiar. Almost palpable. The other is harder to place. There had been no distinct pitch or tone. The words are all she can recall–the voiceless words, pressed into her mind as though tattooed there. Voiceless words, ghosting in response to the other woman's (grudging) pleas...

Her head throbs with the strain of trying to remember–god, she's sleep-deprived–and she falls limp against the haystack.

There had definitely been names this time.

A Mai; a Ty Lee; a Zuko.

_Fire Lord Zuko? Surely not..._

And an Azula.

There had been an Azula.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is not meant to discourage anyone from reading this story in any way, but I think I should it put it out there that this story will have a slow build-up. And while TyZula is a central component of the story, it isn't everything. **

**Just so we're all on the same page.**

* * *

"Enter."

Zuko's head is in his hands, but he can tell it's Suki without looking. The grace with which she had entered the room, taking care to open and close the door quietly; the fact that she waited to speak until addressed.

Not for the first time, Zuko finds himself wishing that every one of his acquaintances was as agreeable as Suki.

He raises his head a fraction to regard the Kyoshi Warrior over the tips of his fingers.

"Suki." A nod of acknowledgement. "Please sit."

Suki bows at the waist, and though the Earth Kingdom custom seems out of place in the Fire Lord's study, Zuko smiles at the gesture. She moves to sit across from him, and he waits until she's settled to speak again.

"How was your journey?"

Suki looks mildly startled by the small talk.

Zuko doesn't blame her–he's never one to beat around the bush. Especially when it comes to his obligations. But he had spent the entire day negotiating seemingly endless reparations, and the thought of dealing with a difficult topic like his sister is downright daunting.

"Um, good. Great. Thanks for the carriage," Suki adds as an afterthought.

Zuko's lips twitch. "But you could've done without it."

The warrior nods feverishly. "I'm not exactly one for luxuries, Zuko."

Zuko nods before exhaling deeply.

_Enough procrastination._

"Judging by the look on your face, you have something important to tell me."

_Hopefully Azula hasn't burnt down a village or something. Dear god, I hope she's lost her memory. _

Suki bites her lip and nods.

Zuko runs a hand through his hair. It gets caught in his topknot. With a firm yank, he extricates the five-pointed crown. It clatters on his desk.

Only in front of Suki would Zuko display such an act of informality.

"Ready?" his bodyguard asks gently.

"As I'll ever be."

Suki hesitates for a moment, the cadet gray of her eyes tinged with uncertainty. Finally, she clears her throat and proceeds, "We've located Azula."

Zuko almost chokes.

The candle on his desk flares dangerously, and it's only when Suki recoils that he remembers where he is.

_"What?" _

The word is choked; Zuko's voice is strangled.

This is important. This is the moment he had been waiting six months for. Everybody can relax. There's no need to keep up the pretenses.

Yet, Zuko finds himself overwhelmed by the news. He's nauseas. His stomach is reeling. He's not prepared to face all the complications involving his sister.

Frankly, he's not prepared to face his sister.

"Wh-where?"

Speaking in one-worded sentences is all Zuko can do to keep from erupting into a delirious mess.

Suki's expression is one of sympathy.

"The plains village, west of the Si Wong Desert. She's currently employed at the Lee Family Pig Farm."

Zuko's head gives a nasty throb. He's briefly seized by nostalgia–a small boy with wild hair and missing teeth (probably no longer a boy now)–Iroh's dagger–bandits, no, "soldiers"–a heated confession–lies and misconceptions.

Funny, how his sister had followed in his footsteps.

"They didn't recognize her?"

"As far as I could tell, no."

_For a village so ravaged by the Fire Nation, they're really ignorant. _

Neither speaks after that.

Zuko is still trying to process the fact that Azula is no longer a distant memory–no longer an empty threat. That she's no longer a ghost lurking in the shadows of the world, but something _tangible_.

With a shaky sigh, he whispers, "And her memory?"

His hands are folded regally on the desk, but the trembling is discernible, even from a mile away.

Suki shakes her head.

"Either she's the best actress to have ever crossed the face of the earth–and I wouldn't doubt that–or she has no recollection of her former self whatsoever."

Zuko isn't sure whether to be relieved or not.

He peers at his bodyguard doubtfully.

"You're sure?"

Suki nods.

After a pause, she adds, "I think you and Aang might've been onto something."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I've never seen Azula with an expression so…gentle." At the look on Zuko's face, Suki continues, "She was in the marketplace with a boy, and she was being really…nice. And polite. To him and everyone else around them. She didn't talk unless spoken to, and she was smiling–really, actually _smiling_."

Zuko is grateful that they're sitting down, because it feels as though the floor has given out beneath him.

He hears Suki's words, feels the blinding, overpowering sentiment of hope, but some part of him, some vindictive, insecure part of him reminds him about all the burns, the vicious deprecations, the schemes, the lies–the _lies_–_Azula always lies_–

Zuko doesn't know how to respond, so he smiles weakly and says, "Are you sure she didn't get a new face?"

His bodyguard offers a tight-lipped smile.

A moment passes between them.

Then Suki breaks the silence.

"I didn't approach her, though." A look suddenly crosses her face. "Was I…supposed to?"

"No. No, of course not." Suki exhales in relief. "You did well–incredibly well. And I could never ask that of you."

The warrior graces Zuko with a tentative smile, and it's only then that he realizes how delicate it is. Never once has he witnessed anything deeper than her military exterior.

"If you asked, I would have."

Zuko returns the smile. "You're the best soldier I have, Suki. But this is something I think I need to do myself. Alone."

The smiles fade. Zuko inclines his head, swept away by the furious train of thought that had been blazing through his mind throughout the conversation. The anxiety is back, and his stomach is doing summersaults.

_What would it have been like to grow up normally? To ascend the throne at the right time, to have a healthy relationship with my family…I'm not the only one who was forced to grow up too soon, though. _

Suki's fingertips graze Zuko's arm. "I think this is the part where I leave you to your thoughts." She beams encouragingly at him. "Don't kill yourself over it, though. You always do the right thing."

Zuko watches her cross the expanse of his study.

"Wait!"

She turns.

"Thank you," he breathes.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?"

"Positive. I've intruded on your hospitality long enough."

"It wasn't for nothing, dear! We've never had a lodger as hardworking as you!"

"You're too kind. Well, I should be getting on my way."

"Hold on!"

"Yes?"

"I, uh...just...did you happen to remember your name?"

Mai. Ty Lee. Zuko. Azula.

"Lee! Leave the girl alone!"

No, that can't be it.

"Just so we could send letters and stuff!"

Mai. Ty Lee. Azula.

"Not yet. It's getting clearer, though."

Ty Lee. Azula.

"It appears that my son has developed feelings for you, miss. You'd best be on your way before he does something strange."

_"Dad!"_

Azula.

"If I ever come by these parts again, I'll be sure to visit you, Lee."

Princess Azula.

* * *

"Off to find your sister?"

Zuko straightens.

"Mother!"

Ursa smiles warmly at her son from the dock. Zuko carefully descends the war balloon before making his way to his mother.

"What are you doing here?" he asks once he's within earshot.

"A mother can't come to see her own son off?" Ursa chuckles.

Zuko flushes. His blush deepens when she pulls him to her and presses a kiss to his forehead. Zuko squirms but allows the action. Reluctantly.

_I'm a grown man. I don't need my subjects seeing Mother coddle me like this…_

Ursa leans back to regard Zuko at arm's length. She raises an eyebrow.

It's for the sake of convenience (and humility) that he had ditched the royal attire–not defiance. He's sporting the same red-and-gold robes he wore all those years ago when he was training Aang. It's a miracle that they still fit.

Zuko offers an awkward smile.

"Your uncle isn't exactly thrilled about all the recent interim Fire Lord requests, you know."

The primary Fire Lord shrugs.

"I don't have anyone else I can ask."

"You don't sound the least bit guilty."

"I get to go on a manhunt; he gets to declare all the national tea holidays he wants. What's there to feel guilty about?"

They exchange a grin before Ursa sighs. Zuko tenses at the look on her face.

"You came here for another reason, didn't you, Mother?"

"You are quite the perceptive young man, Zuko."

Zuko rolls his eyes.

_Not from her, too._

Ursa smiles mirthlessly at her son, as though she's about to ask something she already knows the answer to.

"I suppose it would be asking too much to allow a mother to join the search for her daughter, wouldn't it?"

Zuko stiffens. This time, he does feel guilty.

The Fire Lord lowers his gaze.

"I…it's not like that, Mother." He swallows painfully. "I just…it's not the best idea. Even if Azula doesn't remember anything, you–," _could be a trigger, _"–uh…I don't think she should see more people than necessary." _Especially you. _"Yet. Just to be safe."

Zuko wants to kick himself for the dejection in his mother's eyes.

"I understand."

_Maybe a little too well, _he laments at the knowing look on her face.

Ursa embraces her son again.

"Be safe. Bring her back soon."

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE LEFT THIS MORNING?"

Gansu glances at Sela, who glances at Lee, who hadn't taken his eyes off of Zuko since the Fire Lord had arrived.

"Well, she kind of just took off," Gansu explains hesitantly.

He–and the rest of the family, for that matter–look as though they hadn't fully grasped the fact that the Fire Lord is sitting in their drawing room. In fact, Zuko is the only one seated, while the others hover by the kitchen.

It's almost as though they expect him to declare war, right then and there, from atop a beaten tea pillow.

Zuko lets out a cry of exasperation. The whole family jumps.

"Did she say where she was going? Did she say where she came from? What was her name? What was she like? What did she look like?" The questions surge like a waterfall.

Gansu and Sela exchange glances. Lee's eyes narrow suspiciously.

"What's it to you, anyway?" he demands.

Zuko blinks.

Lee had grown a full two heads in the last three years, and is nearly as tall as the Fire Lord. His hair is longer, shaggier, and all of his adult teeth had come in.

But Zuko is more concerned about the strange, almost protective glint in the boy's eyes.

_It's like he has a crush on her or something. If only he knew._

"Uh…she's…she's my…friend's best friend," Zuko offers lamely.

The skepticism in the room is nearly palpable.

But Gansu doesn't question the Fire Lord's authority, and answers dutifully, "She said she wanted to travel the world, in the hope that it would help her find herself and regain her memory. Queer, I know."

Zuko groans, and the heel of his hand collides with his forehead.

_Of all the times she decides to go on a spiritual journey! _

"But she was the hardest working lodger we've ever seen!" Gansu continues, mistaking Zuko's reaction for insulted. "She was a quiet one, though. Didn't talk much at all. A lot like you, in fact." He smiles wryly. "Really polite, helpful. Curious, too–but she'd never ask."

_We cannot be talking about the same person._

Zuko stares at the man as though he had professed a fetish for armadillo-bears. He recalls the meeting with Suki a few days prior. Somehow, it seems twice as absurd coming from multiple sources.

As easy as it would be to give into Aang's infectious optimism, Zuko has learned that things don't come that easy.

Sela frowns. "You know, I don't think she ever mentioned where she came from."

"She never remembered her name, either," Lee supplies. "But she was really pretty. She looked–"

Suddenly, all eyes are on Zuko.

Zuko's stomach does summersaults again.

"Well…" Lee's eyebrows knit together. "Well, she actually looked a lot like you."

The room goes silent.

Zuko is excruciatingly aware of the scrutiny surrounding him. In fact, the scrutiny intensifies, and clumsy realization encompasses the room. He can see the clockworks turning in their heads–they're connecting the dots–comprehension dawns on their faces–

Zuko leaps to his feet.

"Thank you for everything!"

He excuses himself hastily and darts out the front door before anyone can move.

Outside, leaning against (and hiding behind) a well to catch his breath, Zuko thinks back to Ty Lee's reaction to Azula.

He shudders.

How would the family of a boy she murdered react?

* * *

"_I never thought I'd be seeing your face again." _

"_Hi, Azula." _

"_What do you want?" _

"…_First, to make sure you're doing all right." _

"_Oh, I'm fantastic, thanks for asking! I'm in a fucking straitjacket twenty-four hours a day and my doctors are complete imbeciles, but the food here is great. I love eating soup every day." _

"…_I'm glad to see that you're doing better."_

"_Don't worry, Avatar. I'm a radiant ball of sunshine. Now tell me why you're really here." _

"…_Zuko asked me to come see you. It's…uh…it's about your bending." _

"_NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! YOU WILL NOT CRIPPLE ME LIKE YOU CRIPPED FATHER! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME? MY BENDING IS A PART OF ME–IT'S WHO I AM!"_

"_Whoa, calm down! I'm not happy about it, either. I don't think a gift like bending should be tampered with. But…you haven't exactly proved deserving, Azula." _

"Deserving? _Oh, I'm _sorry, _Avatar. I've been so busy striving for Father's acceptance that I didn't realize I needed your approval, too." _

"_That's not what I meant. I…Look, I _really _want to give you a second chance. If Zuko can change, I think you can, too." _

"_Yes, please continue comparing me to my older brother. That'll really speed up my recovery." _

"…_Just give me a reason to believe that you deserve to keep your bending." _

"Deserve _to? What a joke."_

"…"

"_Don't. It's all I have left... You have the world eating out of your hands. What does it matter to you? The only person who I thought gave a damn about me is in prison. The Fire Nation is perfectly content parading on as though I never existed. Me, their princess, who worked her entire life for their sake. And _Zuko... _Dear Zuzu has taken everything from me. He has my throne, my friends, my… What else do I have?" _

"…_You know, I used to be really scared of you, Azula. But now, I see that you're…" _

"_That I'm _what?_" _

"…_That you're just a kid." _

"_Yes, let the little child keep her flames. She needs to entertain herself."_

_"I intend to." _

_"...You'd better not be doing this out of pity, Avatar." _

"_I'm not. I wouldn't let you keep your bending unless I really thought you deserved it."_

* * *

Ty Lee barely restrains a scream as she jolts awake.

Her hands fly to her throat and she gasps for breath. It takes her a moment to regain composure, and realize that the surrounding darkness isn't perpetual. She's in her bunk, the one she shares with Suki, in the eastern wing of the palace. She's Ty Lee. The daughter of a nobleman. A Kyoshi Warrior.

_But that _voice…

It wasn't her own.

And that memory–that wasn't her own, either.

_But it felt so _real.

As though Aang were crouching in front of _her_, gazing at her with gentle, gauging eyes.

It wasn't her memory, or her voice.

That rich voice–upsettingly familiar, ingrained into every fiber of her being. Muscle memory. One command, and Ty Lee would be on her knees on instinct. Chilling–a dagger pressed to the back of her neck; smooth–the silk of royal robes…

Ty Lee shivers.

No, it wasn't hers.


	5. Chapter 4

"Did you try to take Azula's firebending away?"

Ty Lee is perched on the edge of the Pai Sho board on the balls of her feet with a grace that only she can manage. She has a finger stabbed in Aang's face, and three bewildered faces stare back at her.

With Zuko's temporary return (after several weeks of fruitless scavenging) and a search report meeting the very afternoon, it doesn't take too much effort on Ty Lee's part to find the group. Iroh, Zuko, and Aang are–or had been, at least–engaged in a casual game in one of the minor gardens. Toph is providing moral support. The only indication that she's aware of Ty Lee's presence is a poised eyebrow.

Aang's eyes are wide, and he looks slightly intimidated by the accusing index finger aimed at him.

"Uh…yeah," he confesses after recovering from the initial shock. "I didn't, though. But how did you even–?"

Ty Lee turns on Iroh before the airbender can finish.

"And you!" The finger is targeted at the old man's broad nose this time. "Did you tell her off for talking down to a soldier?"

Iroh blinks.

"I did, once. Many years ago. But that was after you left for the circus," he remarks with a raised eyebrow.

Ty Lee pivots to face Zuko, who's anticipating it at this point.

"And when your dad tried to burn Azula when she was little, did you take the flames for her?" she demands.

Zuko grabs Ty Lee's finger and lowers her hand.

"_Yes_," he hisses with a note of impatience. The Fire Lord disregards the looks of shock and reverence as he presses, "And how do you know all of these things?"

Ty Lee groans. To Aang, Iroh, and Toph's amusement and Zuko's dismay, she falls back on the Pai Sho board. "You tell me."

The pieces scatter and fall off the sides. Zuko's face goes white.

"I was actually beating Uncle for once!" he protests.

"No evidence of that now," Iroh retorts cheerily.

Zuko buries his face in his hands with a sound of resignation.

Ty Lee shakes her head. "I was kind of hoping none of it was real," she mumbles desolately.

_I wanted to pretend she wasn't real._

The group exchanges glances, bewildered by this open display of emotion.

The war had taken a great toll on Ty Lee. Her leader, even more so. The former acrobat's innate ability to conceal her emotions had faded over the course of three years; the faux smiles grew less and less natural until they had been reduced to grimaces, at best. Her bravest attempt at disguising her fears had been the encounter with the cause of her psychological disintegration half a year prior.

As such, she doesn't even attempt to hide her distress from the others.

Toph taps Ty Lee's foot. The contortionist glances up.

"How do you _not _know how you know all of this?"

Ty Lee meets each of their gazes before faltering under the united scrutiny. Maybe throwing herself into the center of a group of analysts wasn't such a bright idea.

She exhales deeply. "Well…I've sort of been having dreams about Azula every day for the past few weeks." Ty Lee glimpses at the group. She hastily lowers her gaze when she sees the looks on their faces. "I mean, I _thought _they were dreams. But if they're all true…then maybe they're…visions?"

Toph's eyebrows inch towards her hairline. Zuko looks baffled. Iroh and Aang grow solemn.

"Ty Lee, what were you doing in these dreams, exactly?" Aang asks gravely.

His tone isn't unkind, but the gravity of the situation makes her squirm. The last thing Ty Lee wants is to be caught up in some intense plight involving Azula.

"I…" she hesitates.

Lying is an attractive option in this situation. She shouldn't have told them. Maybe she can get out of it. But no, she's a horrible liar, and this is a horrible idea.

"I, uh, I'm…I was…her."

Zuko and Toph stare at Ty Lee as though she's grown another head. Well, Zuko does. Toph stares in her general direction.

Aang and Iroh share a meaningful glance.

Iroh turns back to Ty Lee, eyes shining with knowledge she doesn't share.

"So, you relived her memories from her perspective?"

Ty Lee nods after a beat.

The interim Fire Lord's forehead creases.

"This isn't good."

Ty Lee's stomach sinks.

"We don't know that," Aang counters.

Iroh cast a sidelong glance at the Avatar. "Forgive me, but I have reason to doubt my niece."

Aang shakes his head resolutely. "This could be a good thing. What if they have _ādhyātmika sambandha_? Imagine how positive that would be for Azula!"**[1]**

Ty Lee is beginning to get the feeling that the conversation is digressing. In fact, she isn't even sure if she's part of it anymore.

Iroh's eyes widen. He blinks rapidly.

"Agni. You may be right." He shakes his head. "I...I never imagined Azula would be capable. Her spirituality has always suffered from _barché__._"**[2]**

Ty Lee leans over to Zuko. "Are we still speaking Chinese?"

The Fire Lord shrugs.

"Where are we going with all of this spiritual mumbo jumbo?" Toph interrupts.

Iroh and Aang return their attention to the rest of the group, both looking as though suddenly reminded of the others' presence. The old man appraises Ty Lee curiously.

"Avatar Aang and I believe that Ty Lee shares a spiritual connection with my niece," he elaborates austerely.

The contortionist's eyebrows shoot up.

"A what?"

Now she's _trapped_ in an incredibly intense plight with Azula.

"A spiritual connection," Aang repeats cheerfully. He seems much more elated by the fact than Ty Lee or Iroh. "It's perfectly normal, don't look so worried. Katara and I have one! Ursa and Ikem do, too!"

"But all of you are in relationships with each other," Zuko points out.

"So is it a romantic thing?" Toph inquires.

Aang nods at the same time that Iroh replies, "Usually." The retired general looks displeased; the Avatar looks ecstatic.

Ty Lee blanches.

"_What?_"

"I kind of got that vibe from you two," Toph adds unhelpfully.

"Ew." Zuko wrinkles his nose. "I didn't know Azula was capable of romance either, Uncle."

Iroh shakes his head. "That's not what I'm worried about…" he trails off with an anxious glance at Ty Lee, eyes gleaming like he knows something nobody else does.

"_Hold on._" Ty Lee lifts a hand to her throbbing temple. "You mean to tell me that there's something _romantic _between me and Azula?"

"Yup!" Aang chirps, as though the prospect of two females being romantically involved is perfectly acceptable.

Three to four years ago, Ty Lee would've agreed with Aang. This would've been a good thing. Three to four years ago, her heart would've fluttered with guileless infatuation. She would've swooned. But memories of a dark cell, hissing threats, violent outbursts, and the distinct look of pure insanity in unfocused eyes swim before her, and the scars across her back prickle.

"Not new news," Toph comments dryly.

"Agreed," Zuko seconds. "But still, gross."

Their responses only exacerbate the contortionist's torment.

Ty Lee's arms go up in exasperation. "Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have told anyone," she grumbles, rising to her feet.

"Ty Lee, wait–"

But the Kyoshi Warrior doesn't heed the old man's plea and storms away uncharacteristically.

_Actually, it's pretty characteristic of late, _Zuko notes with dread as he watches Ty Lee's slender frame disappear around the corner.

The Fire Lord turns back to the group.

"Uncle, is everything all right?"

Iroh only sips his tea in response.

* * *

"Katara is going to be really upset you called her out here for nothing."

Zuko's face is pressed against his desk. The Avatar flits around the Fire Lord's study, examining various artifacts with a distinct lack of care.

"Now that we know what we know, you're the only one I really need to talk to." Zuko's voice is muffled by the desk.

The airbender nods absently. He tosses a golden ornament in the air. It clangs against the roof, and Aang grins sheepishly at Zuko's bowed frame.

"Please stop. The Fire Nation is in debt and I don't think I could afford to replace that right now."

"You're no fun," Aang protests, but he obediently returns the object to its stand with a gentle gust of wind. He moves to sit across from Zuko. "Now let's talk business," he grunts in a poor imitation of the Fire Lord.

"You're worse than the Ember Island players," Zuko grumbles as he lifts his head.

"Ouch."

A smile flickers on Zuko's lips briefly. It wanes almost immediately.

"You all right, Zuko?" Aang's expression is alive with earnest concern.

The Fire Lord sighs and bows his head. "I wish I could say yes. But no, I'm not. I'm terrible. I haven't slept properly in weeks. I've searched every Earth village within a hundred mile radius of the plains village. No sign of her."

Aang observes Zuko for a moment before reaching out to pat his arm consolingly. "Buck up, Fire Lord. If Azula doesn't have her memory, she probably isn't out causing any trouble."

"We don't know that for sure," Zuko argues, though furtively, he wants to agree.

"We'd have gotten reports," Aang points out. "Azula isn't even supposed to be outside of the asylum."

Zuko exhales in relief. "I guess you're right," he concedes. "But that's what I wanted to talk to you about." He pauses, expression wavering between hesitant and desperate before his eyes harden in resolve. "If…if Ty Lee and Azula have a…'spiritual connection,' does that mean she can locate her?"

Aang's eyes widen to the size of saucers. He blinks rapidly, and Zuko is reminded of Iroh.

"Oh. I, uh, I don't know. I've never used my connection with Katara for that." He frowns, running a hand over his shaved head. Zuko hides his amusement. "Maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure. If you want, I can try and test that theory today."

Zuko nods fervently.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Aang."

"You'd be ranting about your honor," Aang replies brightly. When he sees the scowl on Zuko's face, he hastily amends, "I mean, no problem. Just doing my job."

Zuko rolls his eyes before sighing, again.

"If my theory is correct, then there's another problem." He moans and his forehead collides with the desk once again. "How the hell am I going to convince Ty Lee to help me? I already promised her she wouldn't have to get involved."

Aang's face falls.

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Uh oh." His eyebrows come together with the effort of resolution. "Uh…Um…Well, maybe…You could…You could, uh…You could…um…ask her nicely?"

Zuko lifts his head to stare at Aang. Aang falters at the incredulity on his companion's face.

"Aang, that was worse than me."

"Wow, you're all about the burns today." Aang giggles at his own joke.

"That was worse than Sokka."

"Okay, that one actually hurt."

They exchange a tight-lipped smile before Zuko's face darkens.

"I guess I don't really have a choice…There's no other way to find Azula before something bad happens."

Aang nods in agreement. "I'm with you."

The Fire Lord lowers his gaze.

The airbender fiddles with his thumbs when the other doesn't continue.

Silence.

Finally, Zuko looks up. His eyes are shimmering with uncertainty.

"I always do the right thing," he echoes. Aang glances at him. "I'm doing the right thing, right?"

Aang nods. "Of course you are."

Zuko groans, and Aang flinches as the Fire Lord's head connects with his desk a third time.

"Then why does it feel so wrong?"

* * *

_"I'd ask why, but I'm sure you'll repeat what your accomplice said. 'Miscalculated,' hah! As if I were capable of such a thing."_

_ "…"_

_ "Still, I'm curious. You don't have the same incentive she did." _

_"Says who?"_

"_Enlighten me."_

"_We were both trying to protect someone we love."_

"_And when did you fall in love with Mai, exactly?"_

"_Don't be stupid. I was trying to protect _you._ You'd never forgive yourself if you killed her."_

"…_Don't make such baseless assumptions." _

"_My innocence isn't ignorance, Azula." _

"…_Such wise words. Coming from _you_, of all people. Tell me–why have kept your intellect hidden from me?"_

"_You'd have treated me differently if you'd known I wasn't as easy to control. You…you wouldn't have let me in." _

"Let you in? _Oh, that's rich."_

"…"

"_I'll never understand why you pretend we have something going on, Ty Lee."_

"_I'll never understand why you pretend we don't."_

* * *

The cave is illuminated in a cerulean glow. Amber eyes reflect dancing flames; the base of the fire rests on bare ground. It doesn't need fuel, of course.

Just another secret she had discovered over the past few weeks.

She presses wiry fingers against her temples.

One of the voices is familiar. Her own, as she had come to finally identify it. The other, unlike hers, had never gained a definite sound of its own. It had remained voiceless, empty, daunting. As though she would never be able to remember who it belonged to.

And that was another thing.

_Who. _

She had heard the name this time, for certain. She had uttered it herself. Yet, upon awakening, it had vanished, leaving no trace of its existence but a vague imprint at the back of her mind.

She knew it, at some point.

Zuko. Ursa. Ozai. Mai. Iroh. Aang. Sokka. Toph. Katara. Azula.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, _no. _

She lets out a cry of vexation and the azure flames roar back. She recoils, shielding herself with frail arms as wild embers ricochet off of the walls of the cavern.

Who is she?

It's definitely a female. That much she knows.

Who is she to her?

What 'something' did they have–or had they had–going on?

It seems with every detail she recalls about herself, memories of the other fade.

Her head is between her knees. The flames begin to flicker, gradually weakening before dying out completely, leaving her to gauge the significance of the nameless stranger in darkness.

* * *

**[1] Hindi/Sanskrit phrase for "spiritual affinity/connection."**

**[2] Tibetan word meaning inner obstacles to spiritual progress.**


End file.
